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January · Jyoti Basu dies at 11.47 a.m., yet again almost making it to P.M. · UPSC increases civil services intake from 580 to 965. Ouch. 385 more bureaucrats each year. A real 'Babulation' Explosion. February · Kishenji announces his phone number : 9734695789. Now we don't need the army to fight him. ICICI will finish him off. · Lok Sabha meets. Noise. Confusion. Lok Sabha adjourns. It's time we rename our parliament - the Joke Sabha. · India says no to Bt brinjal. An auberginity lost? March · What's common to Iceland & Abhishek? Both are wondering what to do with Ash. · Sania Mirza announces that she's going to marry Shoaib Malik. Thank God, Sania doesn't have to do 7 pheras with Shoaib. She'll never get past the first round. April · Sachin Tendulkar's birthday today? Let's celebrate it as runmashtami. The good thing is that Sachin has turned 37. Which means, for the next 365 days,he will be in his prime. · If Vijay Mallya had his way, after the quarter-finals, IPL would have the half-finals & full-final. · And the post-IPL party starts. Unfortunately, all the recent happenings only go to prove that an honest politician is the exception rather than Tharoor. May · If India were a gym, Delhi would be the sauna, Chennai, the steam-room & Bangalore, the a/c reception. Mumbai will be the pool in 2 months. · If he's sentenced to death, Kasab will be 51st in the queue. "Capital" punishment just means your file is stuck in Delhi. · Subhash Ghai was ahead of his times. He introduced 4G in 1989. A-G, oh-G, lo-G suno-G. June · FIFA World Cup provides lots of kicks. Hope Greece is not given a penalty. They'll say they have no money to pay it. I don't think Mexico will make any attempt at the Argentinian goal. A Mexican can't take a shot without salt and lemon. · If India had qualified for the World Cup, Chetan Bhagat would have been goalie & Mamata the forward. He can block, she can strike. · TN may free 500 convicts to mark Tamil conference. Why, may I know? Did classical Tamil have shorter sentences? July · Petrol price increased again. An optimist will now look at his tank as half fuel. · Just realized that M.S. Dhoni's wife will be called Ms. Dhoni. · CWG fun begins. Now I understand why the CWG mascot is called Shera. They want a Shera this, a Shera that, and a Shera everything that makes money. · New HR rating scheme- 5: Exceeds Expectations, 4: Meets Expectations, 3: Average, 2: Needs Improvement, 1: Kalmadi. · If Sherlyn Chopra met Rakhi Sawant, would the CBI call it a fake encounter? August
· I'd like to start a paper factory that supplies clean chits to the CBI. Big business potential. · Congress to have elections to decide its President. Ha. That's like Robinson Crusoe conducting interviews to select his assistant. · It's a great day for our planet. All the top places in Miss Universe are bagged by earthlings. · Spot-fixing controversy hits Pakistan cricket Pakistan is the world champion in book cricket. September
· 1.6 million meals to be served during CWG. Oh. No wonder they have created such a big mess. · What Delhi needs is some Ram Sene folks. They won't let the mosquitoes breed till they get married. · I propose that we make mosquitoes our national insect. Then the government will try to protect them and they'll become extinct. · Ayodhya verdict happens. Seems to be on the basis of Share-ya law. This Ayodhya issue is quite complex. Hindus want a temple, Muslims want a mosque, while Mayawati actually wants a statue. · Raymonds wants to sponsor the Ayodhya verdict, because it turned out to be a 3-piece suit.
October
· Obama's goal seems to be to see as much of India and as little of Indians as possible. · Advice to Arundhati Roy : if at first you don't secede, cry, cry, cry again. · Mukesh Ambani is not the first to stay in Antilla. Centuries back, Valmiki used to hang out in one.
November
· Today is the day Krishna slays Narakusara, Rama returns to Ayodhya, Mahavira attains moksha, and Airtel makes a killing. Happy Diwali. The more the number of Diwali sweets in your house, the faster they get spoilt : burfi's law. · Raja scam explodes. A Raja is living proof that there is a pot of gold at the end of the spectrum.
In India, scams have an alarming frequency. And now, with Raja, frequencies have an alarming scam. · Manmohan Singh's Third Law of Motion : Every action has an equal and opposite inaction.
One day there will be a movie made about Manmohan Singh. And the director will go, "Lights. Camera. Inaction." · Manmohan Singh's personal integrity is unquestionable. Mostly because he never attends question hour. · Q : How do you fit 1000 media people in a hotel? A : 998 in 499 double rooms. And Barkha & Sanghvi in the lobby. · Why does phone-tapping make India a banana republic? Isn't tapioca republic better?
December
· TIME had a difficult choice for Person of the Year. Assange, who attacked governments' privacy. Or Zuckerberg, who went after people's. · Sarkozy is a VIP Frenchie, right? · Many bills were passed in the parliament session. Travel bills, food bills, etc. · We should also screw China by issuing visas that are attached by mere gem-clips. · Obama, Sarkozy, Jiabao & now Medvedev. If india can't get to the Security Council, at least the Security Council is coming to india.
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