Mommy knows best
Ever since an excerpt from the book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom, appeared in the Wall Street Journal under the provocative title 'Why Chinese Moms are Superior' there has been a debate, particularly in the western media, about the proto-Fascist parenting techniques described by writer Amy Chua. Now Chua is no out-of-touch traditionalist. She's a Yale Law School professor married to an American. But she says western methods of parenting are too lax because there's no pressure on the child to excel.
In contrast, the Chinese mom has a strict set of rules which Chua herself applied to her two daughters: no sleepovers, no school plays or complaining about not being in a school play; no getting any grade less than A, watching TV or computer games or choosing their own extra-curricular activities. She talks of a regime where kids practise the piano (or violin) for hours without complaining. In short, Mommy's way or you are so grounded and punished.
But while western mothers have expressed shock, there has been a quiet chortle of understanding here in India. Many Sherni mothers not only emphathise, they cheer. Yes! At last, someone who is on the same wavelength as us. These Indian moms can be seen everywhere, ensuring that their child is a combination of Einstein, Sachin Tendulkar, Bobby Fischer, Picasso and Yehudi Menuhin. Not to forget Bill Gates. And Aishwarya Rai or Tom Cruise.
So we've got the picture of the Indian Tiger Mom (ITM), the one species not likely to go extinct anytime soon. But what about the father? What does he think of all this (assuming he thinks independently)? For argument's sake, we will assume the father too has some thoughts on the subject. Occasionally he bleats out his views when he feels Tiger Mom has gone too far. Let us examine a typical exchange between Tiger Mom and Daddy Lamb.
The scene is set in the children's bedroom at 7.30 on a Sunday morning. ITM is shaking her 12-year-old daughter and roaring, "Get up, you have to get ready for maths tuition." Kid: "Some more time, mummy, I slept at midnight." ITM: "But you can't be late, because after tuition you have art classes, then chess practice, then home for a quick lunch, then guitar lessons, then soccer and I don't think you've finished homework." Kid: "Mom, I did. And can I go to Jyoti's birthday party?" ITM: "Are you mad? There is no time, and she is a bad influence on you, got a B- in math in the last test."
From the corner a meek voice pops up. "Ahem, cough, splutter, don't you think you are being a bit hard on the child?" "Hard? When I was young my mother ensured I did all this. Why do you think I am so successful? Obviously your parents were lax, otherwise you would have been a big shot by now, like your classmate Rakesh. You please stay out of this."
At this point, the wise man stays out of it, the foolhardy one rushes in to counter the accusation. Most fathers retire quietly to read the Sunday papers. The papers are no help either: they carry articles such as "Board exam topper says she studied 12 hours a day". Or "Indian-American kid wins Spelling Bee".
Daddy Lamb falls into a reverie and re-evaluates his life. He had imagined he would be the tough but kind parent, a friend and guide to his children who would love and respect him. His word would have been law. The angelic girlfriend he married would look up to him for everything. Somewhere the script went wrong. His voice now counts as much as that of a tiny Pacific island in the United Nations.
With a deep millennial sigh he goes back to the papers. Well, there are many other pressing problems awaiting his attention. He can do something about the international currency crisis, look into the Middle East or advise Manmohan Singh on the best way to tackle inflation. It is to tackle these big issues that men were made. Running the home, after all, is a woman's job.
Ever since an excerpt from the book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom, appeared in the Wall Street Journal under the provocative title 'Why Chinese Moms are Superior' there has been a debate, particularly in the western media, about the proto-Fascist parenting techniques described by writer Amy Chua. Now Chua is no out-of-touch traditionalist. She's a Yale Law School professor married to an American. But she says western methods of parenting are too lax because there's no pressure on the child to excel.
In contrast, the Chinese mom has a strict set of rules which Chua herself applied to her two daughters: no sleepovers, no school plays or complaining about not being in a school play; no getting any grade less than A, watching TV or computer games or choosing their own extra-curricular activities. She talks of a regime where kids practise the piano (or violin) for hours without complaining. In short, Mommy's way or you are so grounded and punished.
But while western mothers have expressed shock, there has been a quiet chortle of understanding here in India. Many Sherni mothers not only emphathise, they cheer. Yes! At last, someone who is on the same wavelength as us. These Indian moms can be seen everywhere, ensuring that their child is a combination of Einstein, Sachin Tendulkar, Bobby Fischer, Picasso and Yehudi Menuhin. Not to forget Bill Gates. And Aishwarya Rai or Tom Cruise.
So we've got the picture of the Indian Tiger Mom (ITM), the one species not likely to go extinct anytime soon. But what about the father? What does he think of all this (assuming he thinks independently)? For argument's sake, we will assume the father too has some thoughts on the subject. Occasionally he bleats out his views when he feels Tiger Mom has gone too far. Let us examine a typical exchange between Tiger Mom and Daddy Lamb.
The scene is set in the children's bedroom at 7.30 on a Sunday morning. ITM is shaking her 12-year-old daughter and roaring, "Get up, you have to get ready for maths tuition." Kid: "Some more time, mummy, I slept at midnight." ITM: "But you can't be late, because after tuition you have art classes, then chess practice, then home for a quick lunch, then guitar lessons, then soccer and I don't think you've finished homework." Kid: "Mom, I did. And can I go to Jyoti's birthday party?" ITM: "Are you mad? There is no time, and she is a bad influence on you, got a B- in math in the last test."
From the corner a meek voice pops up. "Ahem, cough, splutter, don't you think you are being a bit hard on the child?" "Hard? When I was young my mother ensured I did all this. Why do you think I am so successful? Obviously your parents were lax, otherwise you would have been a big shot by now, like your classmate Rakesh. You please stay out of this."
At this point, the wise man stays out of it, the foolhardy one rushes in to counter the accusation. Most fathers retire quietly to read the Sunday papers. The papers are no help either: they carry articles such as "Board exam topper says she studied 12 hours a day". Or "Indian-American kid wins Spelling Bee".
Daddy Lamb falls into a reverie and re-evaluates his life. He had imagined he would be the tough but kind parent, a friend and guide to his children who would love and respect him. His word would have been law. The angelic girlfriend he married would look up to him for everything. Somewhere the script went wrong. His voice now counts as much as that of a tiny Pacific island in the United Nations.
With a deep millennial sigh he goes back to the papers. Well, there are many other pressing problems awaiting his attention. He can do something about the international currency crisis, look into the Middle East or advise Manmohan Singh on the best way to tackle inflation. It is to tackle these big issues that men were made. Running the home, after all, is a woman's job.
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