Two- Liners

A bartender is just a pharmacist
  with a limited inventory 


  

I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other. 
  


  
Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch. 
  

Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.... 
  

I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.