Moving with unprecedented speed and decisiveness, the Government of India and the BCCI has come up with a remarkably elegant and effective solution to
the ongoing IPL controversy - they have appointed Lalit Modi as External Affairs Minister and made Shashi Tharoor the commissioner of the IPL.
*Lalit Modi points in the general direction of Sikkim, denying its very existence and ending the border debate with China in a matter of seconds.*
"We suddenly realized that the amazing negotiation and crisis-management skills displayed by Mr.Lalit Modi are completely wasted on trivialities such as cricket. They would be put to much better use in the MoEA, where he could tackle serious problems such as Pakistan, China and Sri Lanka, and give the
the ongoing IPL controversy - they have appointed Lalit Modi as External Affairs Minister and made Shashi Tharoor the commissioner of the IPL.
*Lalit Modi points in the general direction of Sikkim, denying its very existence and ending the border debate with China in a matter of seconds.*
"We suddenly realized that the amazing negotiation and crisis-management skills displayed by Mr.Lalit Modi are completely wasted on trivialities such as cricket. They would be put to much better use in the MoEA, where he could tackle serious problems such as Pakistan, China and Sri Lanka, and give the
rather bland ministry a much needed branding makeover. Woo hoo!", said Prime Minister Dr.Manmohan Singh.
"Any man who can so brazenly thumb his nose at everyone even when he is neck-deep in shit will be a valuable asset in telling Pakistan to pike off.", said Dr.Singh, unexpectedly using a cuss-word cribbed from the
Planescape : Torment universe. "His superb denial skills will also come in handy in situations where we need to deny the existence of fairly obvious but annoying inconveniences such as the LOC, the refugee problem, and most of the north-eastern states. Plus, Mr.Modi is a perfect blend of 'external' and 'affairs', making him the perfect man for the job.", said Dr.Singh.
Early reports also indicate that Mr.Modi may be given additional charge of the Finance Ministry, to take advantage of his undoubted mastery of making ridiculously untenable financials seem viable, even exciting. "We are confident that Mr.Modi will be able to find sponsors who will pay for initiatives such as the UID and NREGA schemes, and even find a title sponsor
for the national debt. This will free up thousands of crores of taxpayer money that we can coolly pocke . . er . . ah . . pockastickate for stringinindous rural development projects.", winked Congress party spokesman Abhishek Manu Singhvi, making up a few official-sounding words in the nick
of time.
Apparently Mr.Modi has already swung into action, and has initiated an auction process to create privately held franchises out of institutions such as the State Bank of India, NABARD and, unsurprisingly, the Income-Tax Department. "We'll see how you IT losers investigate my accounts when my"Any man who can so brazenly thumb his nose at everyone even when he is neck-deep in shit will be a valuable asset in telling Pakistan to pike off.", said Dr.Singh, unexpectedly using a cuss-word cribbed from the
Planescape : Torment universe. "His superb denial skills will also come in handy in situations where we need to deny the existence of fairly obvious but annoying inconveniences such as the LOC, the refugee problem, and most of the north-eastern states. Plus, Mr.Modi is a perfect blend of 'external' and 'affairs', making him the perfect man for the job.", said Dr.Singh.
Early reports also indicate that Mr.Modi may be given additional charge of the Finance Ministry, to take advantage of his undoubted mastery of making ridiculously untenable financials seem viable, even exciting. "We are confident that Mr.Modi will be able to find sponsors who will pay for initiatives such as the UID and NREGA schemes, and even find a title sponsor
for the national debt. This will free up thousands of crores of taxpayer money that we can coolly pocke . . er . . ah . . pockastickate for stringinindous rural development projects.", winked Congress party spokesman Abhishek Manu Singhvi, making up a few official-sounding words in the nick
of time.
good friends Mukesh Ambani and Vijay Mallya own your sorry asses", smirked Modi, under the mistaken impression that this was not already the case.
Meanwhile, former Minister of State for External Affairs Dr.Shashi Tharoor will take charge as commissioner of the IPL. His immediate duties will include implementing Mr.Modi's original vision of globalizing the league, by taking it to countries such as Gabon, Burkina-Faso and Sierra-Leone.
"Dr.Tharoor' s experience in Africa is very relevant to the IPL, since a third of the IPL matches have been played there anyway.", explained BCCI president Mr.Shashank Manohar, justifying the unexpected posting. "Plus, Africa has contributed one of the IPL's most integral parts - Akon. Smack
that!", said Manohar, wisely resisting the urge to swiftly slap his palm on the posterior of BCCI secretary Mr.Niranjan Shah, who was standing beside him.
Neither Mr.Modi nor Dr.Tharoor were available for further comment, since they've both been told to stay off Twitter, cutting off their main communication channel.
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