China sets amusing rules for Bullet train attendants

China sets amusing rules on Shanghai-Beijing bullet train attendants

The Middle Kingdom hopes to pair the world's fastest train with the best services

By Tracy You 17 June, 2011

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Candidates to work as attendants on the new Shanghai-Beijing bullet trains vie to set themselves apart from the crowd. 

With the Shanghai-Beijing bullet train, or Gaotie (高铁), officially beginning service in two weeks, China is ready to impress the world not only with its speed, but also its on-train services.

To ensure every passenger has the best four hours of their life, bullet train authorities have held a national draft and constructed bizarre training courses by way of selecting the best ladies to serve on the high-speed rail.

Rules for would-be bullet train attendants include:

• Smile with only eight front teeth showing, a feat achieved by daily chopstick-biting training.
• Smile through the eyes. Training for this talent involves covering all facial features save the eyes and smiling to each other.
• The ability to carry out impressive talent shows. Huh?
• Provide “5S” service to passengers. Although many indiscreet Chinese jokes can be fashioned out of it, “5S” actually refers to smile, speed, standards, sincerity and satisfy.

A team of newly minted Shanghai-Beijing bullet trains attendants made its public debut in the Hongqiao Railway Station on June 15.

Nickednamed the “high-speed sisters” (高姐) by Chinese netizens, the 313 ladies are between 19 and 22 years old. Each stands above the requisite 165 centimeters tall (five feet, five inches).

Train attendants were selected from 3,000 applicants from all over China. Many are former flight attendants.

“Shanghai Railway Bureau has hosted drafts in state-owned colleges in provinces like Shanghai, Jiangsu and Zhejiang since May of last year,” says a supervisor from Shanghai Railway Bureau.

The Shanghai-Beijing bullet train broke world records during test runs, hitting 486.1 kilometers per hour in December 2010. The train is scheduled to make its first official run on July 1. 

The Shanghai-Beijing high-speed rail trip is estimated to take four hours and 48 minutes.

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12 rules for expat life in Mumbai ( equally true for locals)

An American expat's view on how to fit in, or stand out less, in Maximum City

By Taylor Jacobson 15 June, 2011

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In Mumbai, being a "firang," as foreigners are called, can be exhausting: from the traffic and pollution to heat and the rains.

Firangis stand out worse than Aamir Khan's eyeballs, making us targets for unwanted attention.

But still, after twenty months, I've succeeded in making this grimy city my home.

Here are some lessons I've learned on how to fit in, even if I can't blend in.

1. Eat off the street

Chaat -- the Mumbai street food staple.

I arrived in India with orders to keep a safe distance from street food, raw vegetables and tap water.

One of my Dutch ex-flatmates even brushed her teeth with bottled water (I couldn't believe it either). This is rubbish.

I recommend the street food, especially sev puri, pani puri, and the toasted "veg sandwich" topped with chutney, ketchup and sev. Extra caution when consuming street food during monsoon is advisable.

During Ramzan, the Muslim cooking on Mohammad Ali Road is incredible, unless you're vegetarian.

The ubiquitous roadside sugarcane juice that's squeezed in front of you is like an IV of pure energy.

2. Wear what you usually wear

I don't find it necessary to wear Indian clothes to fit in anywhere except weddings, although I am a fan of the Nehru collar on the kurta, and the lungi for lounging at home, especially in the heat.

Mumbai has enough diversity to bear any fashion tastes, as long as they respect social boundaries for skin exposure.

Bring a shawl or a jacket when you go out.

Note, though, that Mumbaikars seem to equate cold air-conditioning with high status: so movie halls, restaurants and bars and offices usually keep the setting at 17 or 18 degrees Celcius.

3. Ride the local trains

Super dense crush load on the evening local train in Thane.

The local trains may be dirty and crowded, but they are also timely, frequent and fast and have rarely let me down.

In a city where the traffic can give you nightmares, knowing the trains, and especially the times of day when they will be empty, has saved me many a headache and a lot of money.

A general class monthly pass will cost Rs 100, first class Rs 500, roughly.

Nothing has earned me more respect among locals, either.

4. Give up the map

Early on in Mumbai I had a traumatic experience with directions: late for a meeting on the other side of the city, I approached a group of taxi drivers and produced a map of my destination.

I watched them studying the map for a minute before I noticed it was upside down. None of them could read.

After I ditched the map, one of them happily took my fare and helped me reach my destination, on time, by stopping every 500 meters to ask for help.

This system can be summarized as follows -- know the major landmark near your destination, and triangulate directions to that landmark with the help of locals.

5. Branch out

The Salman Khan blockbuster "Dabanng" at a local Bandra theater, versus a multiplex cinema.

In India, there is a saying: "The guest is god."

The saying explains why, with just a little effort to branch out of the expat circle, I have been rewarded with invitations from a home-cooked Gujarati dinner in Bhandup to a family Diwali celebration in Chennai to a private DJ battle in Film City.

Tempting and fun as it can be to revel in the comfort of sameness, also known as "expat night" at a club with a one-syllable name, branching out is always more memorable and usually more fun.

A few fail-safe strategies to get started in Mumbai are food and Bollywood.

A group outing can involve catching the latest Shahrukh Khan, Aamir Khan or Salman Khan flick. I ask for occasional translations, but it helps to pick a film with an obvious plot.

Or, do a culinary tour of one of Bombay's Khau Gullies, or street food alleyways, and share one of everything.

6. Learn where to shop

As an expat on a budget, I've often struggled to find what I want in Mumbai, for a decent price, tortured between the convenience of the overpriced premium options and the jungle-like mess of all the others.

I've learned to abandon the American concepts of "one-stop-shop" and "do-it-yourself" and instead have adopted the twin rules of "ask a local friend where to get it" and "don't leave the house until I know."

Rumor has it that Ebay.in is gaining traction and is useful especially for electronic accessories and even DIY, though prices are a little volatile.

7. Know when and how to bargain

It's a myth that everyone cheats foreigners in India.

Mumbai vendors are among the straightest in the country, with shopping treasures like Crawford Market, where prices are often fixed and always low.

However, as an expat (i.e. not a tourist), I am usually aware when I am likely to receive a tourist price, e.g. if I am standing next to a five-star hotel, an international heritage site, or a caged tiger.

If suspicious, I ask another customer or a bystander for the price. If I know the price, then I don't bargain. I repeat my price and I'm always prepared to walk away.

And, try to keep morality and emotion out of the picture; business is business in Mumbai.

8. Don't romanticize the poverty

Should the real-life set of "Slumdog Millionaire" become a tourist attraction?

An entire industry, called slum tourism, has been created because of people projecting preconceived notions and fears onto others.

As a conspicuously non-Indian person with almost no local language skills, I've never felt unsafe in Dharavi or any other Mumbai neighborhood.

It's rare that anyone would spare me a wayward glance, outside of a couple of bored children (be careful, snickering children can hurt the ego!).

However, if you want to familiarize yourself with the less affluent parts of Mumbai, you'll be fine with a hat and a water bottle, and a few rupees to buy a sugarcane juice along the way.

If you're worried about being mugged, I find the best thing to do is to stop worrying. 

9. Embrace yoga, Hindi and the head-shake

Try yoga. The Iyengar school of yoga was born nearby. Learn a bit of Hindi. I've learned enough to delight a few police officers when it counted. Get over the staring. Everyone stares at everyone, not only at foreigners.

And most importantly, wag your head. I enjoy head-wagging with abandon, not only to convey the boring Western meaning of "yes" but also (with facial expression adjustments) to indicate "no", and "maybe", and to show pleasure, understanding, and even sympathy.

10. An effective face wash

When you get home try wiping your face with a damp cloth. You'll see, literally, why a high-quality face wash is a big winner in Mumbai.

The idea that this city is a "grimy gem" isn't entirely metaphorical, and your skin may react in unwanted ways.

11. Monsoon-proof your life

Create a whole new fashion style.

When I first experienced monsoon I was defeated in many ways. Clothes got ruined. Mold took over my house. Social life waned, as I avoided dealing with nights out in the rain.

I found that investing in a few pairs of monsoon-worthy sandals, shoes and a champion umbrella was a great start, and having a couple of extras to leave at the office was good insurance against my faulty memory.

Also, moisture absorbing packets for the bedroom and talcum powder for the body are very useful.

Unfortunately the last, critical strategy is to grin and bear the muck.

12. Leave Mumbai now and then

Even the most hardcore Mumbai expatriate ought to leave the city now and then.

For one, I find it necessary in order to recuperate and detoxify.

More importantly, India has enough to offer, from the Himalayas to the lush, hospitable South, both directions have provided me the necessary reinvigoration to plunge back into the Mumbai haze.

10 classic Indianisms !

: 'Doing the needful' and more

How to fix grammatically-insane phrases found in common Indian English

By Daniel DMello 13 June, 2011

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"Do one thing...take this piece of chalk..."

We are a unique species, aren't we? Not humans. Indians, I mean. No other race speaks or spells like we do.

Take greetings for example.

A friendly clerk asking me for my name is apt to start a conversation with, "What is your good name?" As if I hold that sort of information close to my heart and only divulge my evil pseudonym. Bizarre.

I call these Indianisms.

Which got me thinking about a compilation, a greatest hits of the 10 most hilarious Indianisms out there. And here they are. The most common ones, and my favorites among them.

1. 'Passing out'

When you complete your studies at an educational institution, you graduate from that institution.

You do not "pass out" from that institution.

To "pass out" refers to losing consciousness, like after you get too drunk, though I'm not sure how we managed to connect graduating and intoxication.

Oh wait … of course, poor grades throughout the year could lead to a sudden elation on hearing you've passed all of your exams, which could lead to you actually "passing out," but this is rare at best.

2. 'Kindly revert'

One common mistake we make is using the word revert to mean reply or respond.

Revert means "to return to a former state."

I can't help thinking of a sarcastic answer every time this comes up.

"Please revert at the earliest."

"Sure, I'll set my biological clock to regress evolutionarily to my original primitive hydrocarbon state at 12 p.m. today."

3. 'Years back'

If it happened in the past, it happened years ago, not "years back."

Given how common this phrase is, I'm guessing the first person who switched "ago" for "back" probably did it years back. See what I mean?

And speaking of "back," asking someone to use the backside entrance sounds so wrong.

"So when did you buy this car?"

"Oh, years back."

"Cool, can you open the backside? I'd like to get a load in."

4. 'Doing the needful'

Try to avoid using the phrase "do the needful." It went out of style decades ago, about the time the British left.

Using it today indicates you are a dinosaur, a dinosaur with bad grammar.

You may use the phrase humorously, to poke fun at such archaic speech, or other dinosaurs.

"Will you do the needful?"

"Of course, and I'll send you a telegram to let you know it's done too."

5. 'Discuss about'

"What shall we discuss about today?"

"Let's discuss about politics. We need a fault-ridden topic to mirror our bad grammar."

You don't "discuss about" something; you just discuss things.

The word "discuss" means to "talk about". There is no reason to insert the word "about" after "discuss."

That would be like saying "talk about about." Which "brings about" me to my next peeve.

6. 'Order for'

"Hey, let's order for a pizza."

"Sure, and why not raid a library while we're about it."

When you order something, you "order" it, you do not "order for" it.

Who knows when or why we began placing random prepositions after verbs?

Perhaps somewhere in our history someone lost a little faith in the "doing" word and added "for" to make sure their order would reach them. They must have been pretty hungry.

7. 'Do one thing'

When someone approaches you with a query, and your reply begins with the phrase "do one thing," you're doing it wrong.

"Do one thing" is a phrase that does not make sense.

It is an Indianism. It is only understood in India. It is not proper English. It is irritating.

There are better ways to begin a reply. And worst of all, any person who starts a sentence with "do one thing" invariably ends up giving you at least five things to do.

"My computer keeps getting hung."

"Do one thing. Clear your history. Delete your cookies. Defrag your hardrive. Run a virus check. Restart your computer... ."

8. 'Out of station'

"Sorry I can't talk right now, I'm out of station."

"What a coincidence, Vijay, I'm in a station right now."

Another blast from the past, this one, and also, extremely outdated.

What's wrong with "out of town" or "not in Mumbai" or my favorite "I'm not here"?

9. The big sleep

"I'm going to bed now, sleep is coming."

"OK, say hi to it for me."

While a fan of anthropomorphism, I do have my limits. "Sleep is coming" is taking things a bit too far.

Your life isn't a poem. You don't have to give body cycles their own personalities.

10. 'Prepone'

"Let's prepone the meeting from 11 a.m. to 10 a.m."

Because the opposite of postpone just has to be prepone, right?

"Prepone" is probably the most famous Indianism of all time; one that I'm proud of, and that I actually support as a new entry to all English dictionaries.

Because it makes sense. Because it fills a gap. Because we need it. We're Indians, damn it. Students of chaos theory.

We don't have the time to say silly things like "could you please bring the meeting forward."

Prepone it is.

There are many more pure grammatical "gems" in what we call Indian English. Perhaps in time I'll list some more. And perhaps in the near future, we'll get better at English.

Till then, kindly adjust.

Daniel D'Mello currently lives and works in Mumbai, where he enjoys reading, writing, planning trips, taking photos, attending gigs, catching up on films and T.V. and taking a keen interest in animal behavior.

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